Seven Flavors of the SGV

Carne Asada

Backyard style–barbecued by your Uncle Rudy, the one who gets drunk and quotes La Bamba all night, then gets all emotional and tries to slow-dance with everyone. Tío Rudy’s tears = the secret to the marinade!

Sriracha

The Huy Fong Rooster won’t even take our calls anymore–he’s the Hugh Hefner of Irwindale! Anyway, you don’t have to make Sriracha & White Truffle Ice Cream with a Sriracha Reduction Sauce to kick it in the 626! Just put it on tacos, pizza, ramen, and Vietnamese food like a normal person!

Tapatio

The lifeblood of the SGV. The Tapatío man knows you betrayed him with all those hipster hot sauces, but his sparkling eyes say, “It’s OK, mijo.”

Lucas

A shaker full of spicy, tangy, unregulated ingredients that probably gave you ADHD, lead poisoning, and God knows what else? Just do what El Pato Lucas does: keep your locs on and don’t worry about it!

Boba

Like that tingly “massage oil” you bought for your chick as a “joke”–first it was a novelty, now you gotta have it!

In-N-Out

The chain started out in Baldwin Park, did some time, got a tattoo of the Aztec calendar, then found God and changed its ways, with locations all over the Southwest. You can lard out (order the 4×4) or get swole (Protein Style), plus the cashier probably makes more money than you do!

Kick-ass Asian Restaurants

Taiwanese, Vietnamese, Hunanese, Korean, Cantonese, Sichuan: you might get the side-eye and a raised eyebrow at some places if you’re not Asian, but if you want to see what the fancy food critics are dropping panties for, get in line! I especially recommend Bulganese Woodland Cherkhat (it’s like a raccoon) Dumplings. Endangered and succulent.