So you’re not a runner – never ran cross country in high school, never trained for a 5k or you just don’t like the idea of sweating and running out of breath. Fine. But you should always be prepared, because you never really know when you’ll find yourself in a situation where you have to run.
Varsity Punks brings you seven instances in which you will have to RUN!!
7.) The Cops are here!
Panic at the backyard kickback — you RUN all the way to Wienerschnitzel and have your mom pick you up there so no one knows you still have a curfew! Now bust out some Altoids so she can’t smell the jungle juice on your breath!
6.) To catch the bus!
By the way, stop telling people that you take the bus because your ’64 Impala’s up on blocks, fool. You don’t even have your license!
5.) From your abuelita!
You know, the mean one who hates everything and always looks your outfit up and down while making a “cchhht” sound. The one who whispers to your mom in front of you, but makes sure you hear the words “sin vergüenza”. If she’s around when you get in trouble, RUN! She’ll still find you and try to beat you with her chancla, but run anyway. Muévete ya!
4.) Talking smack to the wrong guy
When you and your dork friend get all pumped up watching Bloodsport and get the balls to talk shit to some vatos in the street…until the little one with the neck tattoos and the weird voice pulls out a shank. Well? You’re not JCVD, nerd–RUN!!
3.) To the bathroom!
Two bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and a bunch of wagon-wheel chicharrones……you know it’s true. Don’t front!
2.) Somebody yells, “FIGHT!!!!!!”
Run to the catch the show! Especially if you’re a guy and the fight is between two chicks–just because your friend (the one who can’t grow a mustache) swears that he once saw a beatdown where the girls ended up topless. These things are over quickly, RUN!
1.) RUN for your life
The cartel party: You got invited to a paisa party — big trucks, $1000 dollar alligator boots, gold necklaces, 16-year-olds in high heels…It’s fun, but something’s not right for a quinceañera. The nine-man Sinaloense band periodically disappears to the restroom and returns with the sniffles. Then, the GUY walks in…that paisa badass with an entourage who is not there to mingle…RUN…You don’t want to make an episode of “En Rojo Vivo.”!
